My Wife’s Journey from a Student’s Dependent (F2) to Student (F1)
Reflecting on wife’s story on the first week of 2023
I was set to depart to the United States from Nepal for higher education as my United States (US) student visa (F1) had been approved. My whole family celebrated the visa approval with excitement and hope. My parents were excited about their son’s opportunity to get higher education in the US. I remember my father repeatedly boasting with his friends, “My son has been granted a full-funded master program by America. And, you know what? He is (somehow) funded by NASA”. NASA is a household name in Nepal carrying a prestigious connotation. My brother was jubilant and eager to see my US chapter. He also anticipated the positive changes I could bring to our family. My wife was overjoyed. She was excited about what the future held for us. However, not all good things come without bittersweet feelings. She was in her sixth month of marriage, and she had to return back to home leaving her husband departing for the US, another side of the globe. It was uncertain if she will be granted a US visa. The fear of being physically apart was hitting her. She was already missing me, she was afraid.
She had applied to the same university I was going. The program was also exactly the same. Fortunately, we happened to have the same majors (and interests too), so, I was able to help with school applications and all. She got unconditional admission to the program. However, she did not get funding to fund her program. As is the case with most middle-class families in Nepal, it is extremely difficult to fund higher education in the United States. So, we were not able to fund her studies, and we had to defer her admission until the next semester. Now, we started looking for other options for her to come to the US so that we do not need to be apart. We found out that the US has provisions for the dependents of students to enter and live in the US legally. The visa is called F2 visa. Though the visa comes with a lot of restrictions on what the dependents are allowed to do, it does provide an opportunity to live together and not be far apart, especially during the initial phase of our marriage. It was more important for us to be together than the full-time study and work authorization restrictions. F2 visa also had more than one-third probability of getting rejected but we put our bet on it as it was the only viable option for her to come to the US and live together. So, we went for it. Thankfully, she was granted the US F2 visa, and we were relieved that we need not be physically distant from each other. My wife had written a Medium article that can serve as a guide for F2-visa applicants.
Right after we deferred her application due to a lack of funding, she received an email from a research team at the university asking her to apply for a graduate research assistantship in their team. It was around three weeks before the class start date, and we had already deferred her admission until next semester. So, we were not able to apply though we had a lead. We communicated to the research team that we had deferred until next semester and that we would want to apply for the next semester. The team personnel asked us to reach out close to the end of the current semester. We had also already made up our minds about applying as a dependent. So, we were not much disappointed about missing an opportunity that was right around the corner. Having said that, it was a positive thing for us because we could see a prospect of her starting her study at the same university in another semester. So, the plan was to be in the US in the current semester on an F2 (dependent) visa, and change the visa/status from F2 to F1 in the next semester, and start full-time master's study at the same university.
We both lived in the US for a semester on my GRA stipend. The stipend offered by the university to the graduate students for their 20-hour-per-week research work is merely sufficient to cover their living expenses. We had no other option than to live on it. We had to cover all of our living expenses with the stipend, no matter what compromises we had to make in our living. Amidst the culture shock, living compromise, and the new education system, we had an optimistic outlook for our future. We were hoping my wife would start her masters in the coming semester. Though it was hard for her to spend all her time alone in the apartment anxiously thinking about her career, her face would light up when she would hear her husband’s knock on the windows. She would forget the loneliness she was suffering all along the day and ask me how was my day.
It was around one and a half months before another semester started. We were excited to apply again. No matter how much you suffer, you never lose hope. We had watched the movie “Shashank Redemption” not long before we resumed the talk with the research team. We had remembered this quote from the movie “Shashank Redemption” by Stephan King.
“Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” — Stephen King
A technical lead from the research team asked my wife to come to the office. We walked for around 30 minutes to reach the research building. We did not have a car. We were barely surviving on my GRA stipend, so, we had not even dreamed of owning a car while studying in the US. No matter if it is scorching hot or freezing cold, we walked. We did not have any option. I remember one day I was returning from my class at 1 PM. The temperature was around -6 degree celsius. Anticipating the freezing temperature, I had my down jacket on. However, I could feel a shivering cold on my back. My face felt like it was going to freeze. I took out my face mask and put it on. Right when I put my face mask on, my hands felt shivering cold; I did not have my gloves on. It felt difficult to move my fingers in such cold surroundings. Never had I faced this cold temperature back home or in Bangalore, India. I realized then how cruel cold weather can be. I learned to respect the cold weather. I also learned to be prepared for such cold temperatures. Thankfully, we had a Nepali undergraduate student who was kind to help us with our groceries and give us rides when we were in need. If it was not for her, we would have suffered more pain of not owning a car in a small city in the US.
So, my wife went inside the building and the technical lead of the research team escorted her to his office. I waited outside the building anxiously. I felt nervous about how the conversation would go. There were not any places outside the building where I could sit waiting. I looked around the building. I could see the clean and well-maintained roads. The air I was breathing was pollution-free. I just went to the parking lot and sat on the curb. It was not dirty, and I was tired of waiting and standing. So, I just sat on the curb dreaming of going to class together with my wife.
My wife returned with a smile and a hopeful face. I could sense that the conversation went well. She explained the details of the interaction while walking back home. So, she was asked a bunch of questions regarding her academics and professional experience referring to her resume. She was also given take-home tasks to see her technical expertise. She was excited to do those tasks and spent a lot of time and effort doing them. Finally, she emailed the technical lead of the team with her work after about a week. The technical lead was impressed by her work and gave the green signal from his side. So, he recommended her to be a graduate research assistant in his research team to the higher management. We had our smiles and hope back. Our families were happy about the prospects.
After a week, we heard that the research team would not select her for a graduate research assistantship. Perplexed, we inquired the research team as well as the computer science department about the reason. It was disappointing as well as unexpected for us given that she had worked so hard for it and also had been given a green signal. After a lot of back and forth, we knew that the “cited” reason was her dependent visa. We also consulted with the international student service (ISS) regarding her eligibility to be awarded a graduate research assistantship. ISS maintained that dependents can be awarded graduate research assistantships so that it can be shown as a source of funding in their I20 but they (dependents) can not start working as a graduate research assistant until they go out of the US and get their student visa (F1) stamped, or change the status from F2 to F1. We communicated the information to the research team but the research team ignored it and maintained their stand. The hopes were again shattered. Dejected by the event, my wife was reluctant to keep trying for graduate education in the US. I admitted it had been a big disappointment for us. However, I convinced her to defer the admission until another semester again as we had nothing to lose by deferring the admission.
I talked her out of giving up showing how close she was. Mustering the courage, she decided to not give up and try again. She was determined to keep trying until she succeeds. So, we switched our gears. We were targeting for graduate teaching assistantship this time, which is another source of funding similar to a graduate research assistantship. Graduate teaching assistantship required a certain level of English proficiency which could be shown through standard English language tests such as TOEFL, IELTS, Duolingo, etc. She focused her efforts on them for the next few months. She had given an English proficiency exam once but it was below the par. She gave a shot again after a month and a half but it still felt short of par, nevertheless, being extremely close. After her hard work practicing the language tests, she again fell short of par. As a practice, she wrote and read hundreds of essays, and rehearsed hundreds of speaking assignments. She felt her hard work went to vain. She cried. She was devastated. She felt she could not make it to graduate school and she is not eligible for it.
“No, dear! It is not like that. You are extremely close. It is just that sometimes luck has some part to play and the test did not go well this time. You will make it”, I consoled. She felt down for the whole day. We went for several rounds of walks around our apartment. Slowly, she got back her mental strength and decided to prepare again for the English language test. It had been around a week she was preparing for the test, and we heard that a computer science professor was hiring for GRA. We sensed an opportunity there and thought of giving a shot at it immediately. So, we consulted some of his current GRAs (who were our friends too) and learned about the procedures for GRA application. Some of the friends were so kind to help us about the GRA application and gave us a few suggestions. On the other hand, we also met some current GRAs who were discouraging us to even apply for the assistantship arguing how difficult the application was or how complicated the Visa thing is. It was the last thing we needed from our so-called friends (ironically from the same country and location too) after all the disappointments we had faced. It was the point when we realized the quote by Habeeb Akande.
“Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour. True friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but they are always there.”
― Habeeb Akande
Recently, one of my close friends mentioned a term for psychological manipulation called gaslighting. I can relate to the term with those friends too.
Thankfully, we were not deterred to apply, and we decided to give it a shot as we had nothing to lose. Some of our friends strongly encouraged us to apply too. So, her preparation began. She started reading the research papers of the professor as well as other professors whose research interests aligned with hers. She was parallelly reading the research papers of two professors. The first professor was the one whose current GRAs were our friends. The second professor had some GRAs under her but we did not know them well. She read a few research papers from the second professor and mailed her a critique of her research paper, and expressed a will to work with her as a GRA. She replied that she never takes a student as her GRA without beforehand taking her class and excelling in it. It was an interesting filter and maybe had been working well for her. We went to look on the university website of the first professor and saw a similar requirement to be hired as a GRA. The professor had mentioned it clearly that a student should take his course and secure an A grade before being considered as a GRA. That put us back to square one. We felt we had to self-fund the first semester and then only, we would have a shot.
We also realized the current GRAs (who were our friends) were hired fresh without having taken any classes under him. So, we felt it was outdated and it might no longer be true. So, she continued studying his research work, and I helped a bit sometimes when it came to the technical and mathematical parts of the research papers. She wrote a critique of one of his many papers and mailed him expressing her interest to work with him, similar to the way she did with the second professor. The professor replied within minutes agreeing to have a conversation. Then, we sent a Calendly invite to him asking him to select a free time slot for a call. The professor replied after a few hours and the conversation (or interview call) was scheduled.
We did a lot of preparation for the call. She wanted to give her best in the interview. So, she asked me a lot of questions regarding machine learning and the basics of computer science (data structures and algorithms in particular). She was more inquisitive than ever. She worked so hard day and night for the preparation. Even when we would go for walks around the apartment, she would ask me questions regarding machine learning and data science. That was perfect for me, as I always loved to teach those things to her. I could not feel the walk and the surroundings, I could only feel the deep mathematical questions she would ask to me.
She sat in the interview with the professor. The professor was surprised to know that she was in Huntsville. He had assumed she was applying from Nepal. He asked how she was in Huntsville. She explained her situation and he emphasized with her. He said he would rather meet in person than online if he had known the situation. She also stated the fact that I work in the same lab as his GRAs. Previously, this situation (being in the US as a dependent) was shown as a reason for one research’s team decision to not award GRA to her. Contrary to that, the professor welcomed her with open hands to his research group. In fact, her situation became the encouraging reason for him to award the GRA to her. I remember his words, “You have already been admitted to computer science. You know the everyday duties of the GRA in the research team from your husband. You have seen him doing things day and night. Even better, you don’t have any prerequisite subjects. So, why not?” So, he recommended her as his GRA to the computer science department. We were happy that she finally got the opportunity but we refrained from sharing it with other people until the official letter was received. We were taught to hold excitement until the official correspondence.
The official correspondence came through and she finally got her new I20 for an F1 (student) visa. We finally made it in the third admission attempt. She got the GRA award after being rejected or ignored two times by two different research teams. This was also after failing to excel in the English language test two times. Out of around 4 computer science professors she has had conversations with, one professor awarded her the GRA, the professor who was once on an F1 student visa several years ago. So, this article is not about success but the story leading to it.
So, now, we had to change the VISA/status from F2 to F1. We consulted the USCIS website. We found out that it takes around a year to change the status from F2 to F1 living in the US. Rather, we found out that going outside the US and appearing for an F1 visa interview is the better option as we had only 3 more months to start the classes for the coming semester. So, we consulted with one friend of mine and he connected me to a couple who had done the same: coming to the US on a dependent visa and changing their visa from F2 to F1 by going outside the US. They explained to us the different options we had and guided us on the process. We decided to go to Mexico and appear for an F1 visa interview.
So, we went to Mexico together. The Nepali undergraduate friend whom I referred to as having a kind heart to help us with groceries also expressed her interest to go with us. That was even better for us as we had a friend too on our journey. So, we planned to make the trip for business (visa interview) as well as recreation. The whole Mexico trip deserves a full article on its own as it was filled with a lot of events and memories.
We went to Monterrey US Consulate for her visa interview. She went inside the consulate and we were waiting outside for her. I and my sister (same undergraduate Nepali friend; I call her sister as she had put tika on me during Tihar) were waiting for some time. We were also worried about what had happened in the interview. Our legs got tired by standing, so we sat nearby talking about random things. From time to time, I was checking if my wife returned by glancing at the exit.
Right when we were talking about some topic, my wife returned. She gave a smile and remarked, “done”. Wow, the three of us were extremely happy and celebrated. I said to my wife, “Congratulations dear, nothing can now stop you from starting your graduate school.” My sister was excited saying this from time to time, “Binita didi pani aba … padhai suru. Kada! Kada!” This translates to English, “Binita sister also starts study now, neat and impressive, wow!” We celebrated the good news by sharing it with our friends and families and doing different activities in Monterrey.
My wife’s interview experience in her own words:
I reached Monterrey US Consulate on 8 AM as my interview was scheduled for 8 AM. I went inside and saw three people checking the required documents and the interview times. I went to them and showed them my I20, DS-160, and passport. They were Mexican and speaking something in Spanish. I told them no Espanol. Then, they pointed to the door number 2 and told me to go there. I thanked them and went to door number 2. Inside the door number 2, there was security check. I put my documents and my watch in the box and sent them to the scanner and then I passed through the security door. Then, the security guard sent me to the main gate where I gave the interview. I went inside the main door and one officer asked for my document and sent me to counter number G. There were 2 people on the line. I thought that line was the main line, but that line was for checking the SEVIS record and biometrics. After checking the SEVIS and biometrics, one officer told me to join the long line. Around 20 people were in front of me. So, after 45 minutes my turn came, and I went to the counter. There was a lady VO. She was around the age of 40. She seemed to be cool and friendly.
Me: Good morning officer.
VO: Good morning. How are you?
Me: I am fine. How are you, officer?
VO: I am good. Can you pass me your documents?
Me: Here, they are ma’am. Passed my documents.
VO: Just give me one minute, I will be back. (She put my documents on her table and went to another side and came back after 5 minutes).
VO: (With a smile) I am sorry for making you wait.
Me: No problem, Ma’am.
VO: So, you are going to the University of Alabama in Huntsville?
Me: Yes, Ma’am.
VO: And your husband is in the US?
Me: Yes, Ma’am. He is in the same university and doing his masters.
VO: Makes sense.
There was silence so I started talking.
Me: I also got a full-funded program at the same university.
VO: Wow, Congratulations!
Me: Thank you, ma’am
VO: Did you book for returned tickets?
Me: Yes, Maam It’s on Monday.
VO: So, when do you want your passport back? Tomorrow or Monday?
Me: If it is possible, then today ma’am, otherwise tomorrow.
VO: Today’s seems not possible. Come tomorrow here and get your passport back.
She took one orange slip and put the date, time, and location to pick up the passport. She gave that slip to me.
VO: Congratulations on your visa. Please, take this slip and come at this time and get your passport.
She put my I20, Sevis, and DS-160 with her.
Me: Thank you Maam. Have a good day!
VO: You too. She gave a beautiful smile.
We received the passport the next day. After a few days, we returned back to the US. I started my third semester and she started her first semester. Here, we are outside the university's main gate taking some pictures. These are some of the most meaningful and best pictures of 2022 for us.
This is how we were able to convert from an F2 dependent visa to an F1 (independent student) visa. This is the story of our struggles and success. This is one of the prime journeys we went in 2022 together. Looking for more such journeys together in 2023. Happy new year 2023, my dear wife!
